I've neglected this thing hardcore. xDD

WELL UH. I've become a shameless IchiIshi addict, as evidenced by my staying up till 4:30 AM to arpee their Wayward counterparts' sexin's with Leon, and stealing doujinshi today. 8D... Whoo.

Um. Urge to blog dead. So that's all. =D;
*shot*

Current Mood: anxious

I've neglected this, unsurprisingly. >_> Whatever.

I need to stop falling for people whom I can't have. Namely, English teachers and best friends.
=D
Yes, I really am that stupid.
I can't help it, though. Twice my age or not, he's just such a nice person. I'm not stupid enough to claim to be in love with him, when I don't know him nearly well enough to make that claim, but I definitely have feelings for him beyond finding him attractive.
My friend, on the other hand, having known her for six years... I love her. Seeing as she's currently in a committed relationship, and straight as far as I know, this is almost at the same level of stupidity. =\

Meh. I know I shouldn't need to be in a relationship. I just miss being able to share everything with someone.

This is a stupid post. <_<

Current Mood: confused
Current Music: Senses Fail - Can't be Saved

My best friend sat in my lap today (long story <<). I wanted to wrap my arms around her and refuse to let her go.
... I think this is going to become a problem. =\

I'm going to be having my first tutoring session tomorrow. Luckily I ended up with a semi-friend of mine, who's actually in my math class. It seems like it would be so much easier to help someone with something I've been recently doing, rather than something from a year or two ago that I'll have to relearn before I can teach. My house is right along her route too, so dropping me off is no problem. So convenient, yesyes. Only downside is that she wanted me to go over a worksheet we got in class today, so I had to do my homework a day earlier than I would've so I have the answers. xD
God, I'm lazy. Speaking of...

I signed up at eharmony.com the other day. xDD The commercial on tv was all "free compatability profile, ftw". Can't actually talk to people without paying, of course, but I wouldn't want to anyway. My point in mentioning this is that they actually have a very comprehensive system. o.O And they give you a personality analysis in addition to the compatability thing. It was... Scarily accurate, too. I seem to take the middle road in everything that they analyse. This one part said that I budget my time well and get a lot of work done when I need to, but I'll take time to relax wherever I can get it. Tis so true. If I have to, I can get plenty of work done. But... If I can get it done on time by doing it a day later, I'll put it off. It seems like I'm a horrible procrastinator, but it seems to me to be a really good approach. So maybe I'm not so lazy after all. xP At least when it comes to work.

Sidenote: Music pwns. D: I am currently in love with the song that I have playing now. xD The name is freakishly long and won't fit in the thing. It's called A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me".

Current Mood: refreshed
Current Music: Fall Out Boy - See above. xD

I'm not unhappy. There's nothing particularly wrong with my life right now. I have friends, a fairly good family; I have a future. I have it better than a lot of people.
But the sad fact of the matter is, I'm lonely. The past month has in large part been spent getting over the end of a 14 month relationship, and I've finally gotten to the point where I don't miss being with him, I just miss being with someone. I don't have someone who asks me how my day was, someone to say good night to, someone to occupy my mind as I'm trying to fall asleep. At the times when I'm not doing anything to keep my mind busy, it feels like there's something missing. It annoys me that I've turned into one of those people who needs to be in a relationship, but... There you have it. I'm in relationship withdrawal. =\

I also can't deny that it hurts that he's got someone else already, and I don't. Yes, I want him to be happy... But I want me to be happy too, dammit, and I don't think it's going to happen for quite a while.

It doesn't help that a lot of things I believed in have taken quite a blow. We were talking the other day... And I said that, when you fall in love with someone, you know that there are things about them you don't like, things that annoy you. You overlook those things and love them anyway. But after a while all those things start to build up, and become more obvious, and it gets more difficult to overlook them, until eventually they start to drive you crazy and you end up broken up. I kind of feel that's what happened with us, or maybe that in combination with both of us changing a bit. But I digress. He said I had it wrong, that you love someone no matter what; That it's simple and profound, and that's how it works. I don't think I believe in that anymore... And I'm not sure if I've become cynical, or if he's being naive. I've begun to fear that every relationship will follow the same pattern: Really great in the beginning, then settling down into a familiar sort of rhythm, slowly developing problems and going downhill until eventually it ends. How can anything really last? How can two people stay together their whole lives? I can't logically believe anymore that it happens, but I'm afraid to not believe it. If every relationship is doomed from the start, then what's the point?

I'm afraid I'm going to turn into one of those people who hate relationships, and love, and all of that stuff; I don't want that. I just don't know what to believe anymore.

Oh, and I really am pissy around my time of the month. D: Gotta concede that one, Kdin.

Current Mood: lonely

Remember my decision to go to a couple of nearby houses? It turned into dad driving me to 2 or 3 houses, and then into me going into every second house we passed. xD It was actually much less painful than expected. The people were nice. I actually talked to them. I suppose it helps that I'm not nearly as horribly socially crippled as I used to be. Smile, be polite, try to respond to anything they say with more than one word, you've got yourself a pleasant conversation instead of an awkward encounter. The only place I went that didn't work out very well was this one old woman... >_> Now, mom knows everyone around here, and she only sent me into houses of people she knew were nice and would probably donate. The nice person at this house wasn't there, her mother was; She was about 80, moved very slowly, and was... Rather unpleasant. I managed to get out my explanation of why I was there before she said that her daughter wasn't home. Annnd... I've cultivated a new rule of thumb when going door-to-door: You can often judge how generous somebody is going to be by how far they open their door. This old woman opened it about face-width. You can just tell they can't wait to get you out of there. Most of the people who donated actually invited me in.

In any case, I ended up with $34. Not too bad, all things considered.

I keep expecting to see comments on my entries when I log in. For some reason. Nobody I know has been linked to this or anything, or knows my username, so... I'm not quite sure why I expect comments. =\ I certainly don't go around commenting on random strangers' journals.
Though, I do rather enjoy reading them. Some people are quite frankly fascinating; I love to come across someone who has thoughts and ideas that would never occur to me, and being able to read them in a journal-type setting is much more convenient than conversing with them, impersonal as that may sound.
Of course, conversing with interesting people is also great.

Yeah, I've wandered off my train of thought here. o.O Getting rather sleepy, so my brain isn't working completely up to speed.

In the area of Maple news, I PQed like a madwoman today, got 30% from it, and leveled. =D Two more levels before I can equip my new hat and gloves. I had to borrow Ani's golden pride because my hat clashed horribly with my new robe. >.>
I also seem to be sucking more helpless victims into the whirlpool that is Maple Story. Kait's going to be starting tomorrow, and I seem to have gotten Lumi interested. >> << Like a spider tweaking strands of its web, drawing the flies ever closer...

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: None, but Stray Cat Strut is stuck in my head.

"There comes a time in our lives when we must choose between what is right, and what is easy."

Damn you, Dumbledore. You've given me a horrible sense of conscience that I can't seem to dispel a good bit of the time.

The graduating class at my school always has to do quite a bit of fundraising for the graduation ceremony/dance thing that we have, and since I'm in the soon-to-be-graduating class now... I'm expected to take part in all of the money-grubbing, door-to-door madness. Now... I hate going door-to-door, for anything. Especially here; I live in a very small town, where the houses are spread out and the people who are around are almost all on welfare, or alcoholics, or both. =\ On top of this, we're currently out of a car, so I'd have to walk and couldn't go very far. Going door-to-door might get me about $10.
Let's face it, I'm lazy as hell, and trying to get me to do something that I don't want to is like trying to convince a cat that a dunk in the bathtub would be good for it. I'm actually tempted to not go to my own graduation just to get away from this crap. e__e
So I've decided I'm just going to get my family to donate this time around, and maybe go to a couple of houses that might give me something that aren't too far away. But... I feel bad about this. I can justify it until I'm blue in the face, but it's still me being lazy and not putting much effort into things. I'm choosing the easy way out, like always, and it makes me feel crappy.

But, I figure - I'm going to be miserable either way. I might as well choose the option that requires the least amount of work.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: None.

Yay for test entries, to check out what everything looks like. Haven't had one of these in a while.

Current Location: Home?
Current Mood: content
Current Music: None.